Sunday, April 22, 2012

an invitation

You're Invited!
What: A Pity Party for Lily
When: Right Now

When I was expecting my daughter, my friends were very happy to have me along--if only to be the designated driver.  I lapped up the attention, though, because I knew once I transitioned into motherhood my social calendar would diminish.  It did, of course, once Taylor was born.  Friends who called me every weekend to invite me out suddenly could not even be bothered to call to say, "hello."  It wasn't exactly unexpected, but it did help me to see which of my friends I could really count on.  Thankfully there were still a handful of folks who made a point of including me/visiting me.

When Brian and I learned that we were expecting Declan, I knew that--again--we'd have to curtail many of our social activities.  But I think that I'd forgotten how it feels to be sidelined while the rest of the world continues to party and continues to play.

--It's probably time that I disclose an important fact--I'm a lousy friend.  Hmmph, well, maybe not lousy, but I just do not know how to put it.  While I have the best of intentions, I just don't always know how to be friend.  I could lay the blame at the fact that growing up I often moved schools (or homes) and therefore never really learned how to grow and maintain a friendship.  I excelled at making friends, but I've struggled to know how to cultivate that new friendship into something lasting.  As such, I am never sure when to give a friend space, and when to catch up.  I struggle to determine if a phone call/message is well-timed and often err on the side of caution by deciding not to butt in.  Why would they want to hear from me?  Wouldn't they rather talk to someone more interesting/fun/personable?  I certainly do not want to be a pest.

It seems that one of the main consequences of my ignorance is that people--friends--see me as uninterested or disconnected.  Aloof.  The reality is that I often just do not know what to do.  But I digress.--

So here I am, watching the world continue to go by, only now it's probably worse thanks to our now-super-connected-social-media-addicted society.  Whereas before I only suspected that people were having a great time without me, now I KNOW that they are having a great time without me.  And I sit here struggling with how to handle it.  

I don't want to call folks and ask to be included because I was taught that inviting oneself is terribly rude.  Besides, if someone wanted my company, they would have asked me, right?  

Now, some might argue that this post is a passive-aggressive plea for inclusion.  And no matter how much I could protest such an assessment, I suppose that it is.  As I write this, I've been struggling with whether or not to even post.  I certainly do not want to appear passive-aggressive, but I also want to get this off my chest, though not to anyone in particular.  And, as stated before, I'd like to return to being a more prolific blogger.  So, why not start things off by making something of a confession and talking about my strange inner-monologues?  And isn't passive-aggressive pleas for attentions what blogging is all about!?  (Perhaps that's fodder for future post.)

On a more positive note, I was actually invited to too many activities this weekend.  I actually had to turn down one invitation because I had already committed to another!  While it certainly bummed me out to be missing out on one celebration, I did have a fabulous time at a party last night.  And I do have a very full weekend scheduled for next weekend, too.  So my belly-aching and b*tching is really dumb.  My friends DO want to spend time with--just not every waking moment.  (And who could blame them?)

The reality is that I do have plenty to do--sometimes a little too much, even.  So why I am still feeling blue about the events that I am missing?  


  1. I'm the same. A really lame friend. I get it *huggs*

  2. I don't see this as passive aggressive or a plea for attention. I read my own thoughts in your words Lily.

  3. I get it. I really do. I wrote a blog along a similar vein about friends last week. Sometimes you just have to say what you need to say.

  4. I was actually invited to too many activities this weekend

    your belly-aching isn't dumb. it is what it is. maybe you're just attending the 'wrong' activities? accepting the 'wrong' invitations? you're a gwyddon - step back. :)

  5. Btw, I *adore* the picture at the top of this entry. And *thank you* for posting those internal dialogues. It's neat to be able to participate in the conversations with you. I also struggle with how to maintain friendships with all the acquaintances I meet along the way. *hugs*



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