Thursday, July 5, 2012


My last post almost did not see the light of day.  My husband was quite surprised when I asked him to proofread the post.  For some time he had wanted to let the proverbial cat from the infamous bag, but I was the one too embarrassed (unfounded or no, being called a child abuser stings) to do so.  Additionally, I did not think that saying anything would bring about the apology that he and I both crave.  As I mentioned before, we know who it was.  While we cannot prove anything, we would still love the accuser to own up to their mistake.

Will we ever ask the accuser point-blank to apologize?  No.  An apology loses a lot of its legitimacy if one has to beg to get it.  But I know we certainly deserve one.  Boy, howdy.

I was certainly surprised by the numerous comments that both my husband and I received from people who had read about the ordeal.  Below is a smattering of comments that were posted to our respective Facebook pages:

"While reading that, I kept remembering how small [my daughter] was when she was born and how hard breastfeeding was. Hell, just *having* a newborn is difficult.. add to that any type of health issue and it can be at times overwhelming. If anyone had accused me of not caring for a small baby while I was doing everything I could to keep her healthy, MY GOD. I don't know how I would've dealt with that. I am so sorry that you guys had to go through that." --Mish

"As a former foster child and survivor of abuse I can assure you that a waste of a social workers time is deplorable.They have some of the most horrible situations to work through it is really aggravating to see their time wasted.  Also just knowing you from the distance that I do it is absolutely apparent to me that you are an amazing mom to both of your children. I am so sorry that happened to you, the person who made the accusation is a fool." --Wanda

"I suppose we would all like to think that the person in question acted out of genuine concern for your child. There is no way of knowing their intentions, of course. I think the take away is that we are all one phone call away from inconceivable heartache when a well meaning person feels that authority figures need to intervene into our lives." --Annamarie

"I have known you and your family for a very long time and I am shocked and saddened that a "friend" would do this. As a parent, I can not conceive of the stress that you were put through. I hope this all gets behind you so you can continue to raise your family well." --Scott

"This is horrible. You are both better people than I am. This is beyond the pale." --Athene

"That is some crazy ass shit." --Eric

"Nothing could be worse than being unjustly accused by a supposed friend. I am so glad your nightmare is over. I can't think of anyone less likely to abuse." --Sara

"I did not know you had to go through this, what a horrible ordeal that I cannot imagine. I am glad things turned out okay in the end, but after the hell you went through, I wish there was some level of penalty in social worker investigation protocol for people who make completely unfounded claims. I have seen several friends go through similar allegations when growing up (but these were with kids 5-9 years old) and while it scared me, I didn't quite realize what the parents were going through. I felt about those cases, just as this, that it is too easy to be accused of something groundless, and then treated like you're guilty until proven innocent in many matters like this. I have had my own reputation seriously attacked to a degree I never thought possible (although I'm not a parent) and the fear and outrage when there's nothing you can do but wait is horrible. I know it must have been much worse being a parent in such a case as this :-( Hang in there and know you have many true friends!" --Nathan

"This makes me so angry! What I hope for you and your family is that this ordeal has only made you stronger. You've moved through this with strength and dignity ...something that your "friend" should take notice of and learn from. Be blessed." --Jill

"If this person was a friend,then they would have come to you first... Unfortunately, misery loves company and when people are dissatisfied with their own lives, they tend to try and pull other people down with them. You dont need that in your lives. I hope you guys can move past this and heal your emotional scars. I think I'd wring that persons neck, if I had them in front of me." --Monica

We even had a couple of folks share the post on their page.  It has been the most viewed post on my blog.  It's gone beyond my expectations.

In short, I hope the message that people get--especially our accuser--is that if you suspect something to be wrong, ask questions.  Get answers, get the truth before letting your imagination run wild.  

Our accuser claimed that we were denying our son qualified medical attention by seeing lactation professionals and midwives.  Yet had they asked us about seeing a doctor, (or even had they read my early posts here about Declan's GERD), they would have learned that we had been working with a medical doctor, a pediatrician, since Declan was three days old.

Our accuser said that we were refusing to give Declan formula.  Yet had they asked us about it, (or even paid any attention when Declan was eating), they would have learned that Declan was being supplemented on formula and breast milk with each feeding.

Lastly, our accuser reported that Declan was lethargic and failing to thrive.  Yet had they asked us, (or paid even the slightest actual attention to Declan when awake), they would have learned that Declan was alert, vibrant, and thriving in all areas save weight gain.

I am grateful that our society has an organization focused on protecting children, but I am still angered that a very qualified case worker had to spend time clearing our names instead of actively helping children in need.  Had our accuser taken ten minutes out of their day to question us instead of calling CPS, their ten minutes would not have resulted in hours upon hours of time wasted.

To put everyone in a better mood, here is a video of my chatty (and obviously alert, happy, and healthy) boy in the bath:

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