Gun Violence, a Rabbit Hole, some Rambling

There was a terrible incident of gun violence in my town last night.  The shooting happened one block north and a handful of blocks east of where our family used to live.

Another local friend commented about the event on their social media pointing out that this sort of thing can now happen literally anywhere in the United States and it prompted me to recall how gun violence has impacted my life.

No, I've never been shot. Though I can name four people just off the top of my head who I knew and who died due to gun violence.

I shared the story of how I, thankfully, just missed out on arriving on-scene where a shooting took place.  I was scheduled to be there, but I didn't go.  Good thing, too, as I would have likely shown up just prior or during a mass shooting.

I shared another story, too.  The one that made one cousin a widow and another a pariah.  I decided to do some online digging as that particular case made local headlines in the small town where that part of my family lived.  It's been fifteen years since that happened, and the woman who killed my cousin's husband is free.

Far be it from me to assess whether she should be or not.  She got her days in court and her defense convinced a jury that it was manslaughter and not murder.  But in my digging online, I'm fairly certain that I found her Facebook profile and that, in itself, just sits oddly with me.



Honestly, I don't where else to go with this.  I did think about commenting on the clearly political content that this woman had on her profile.  Pointing out the unsurprising nature of her political stance, for instance.  But I guess I also don't really think it is worth my time.  I started typing this all out because I wanted to note that, yet again, gun violence has impacted a community close to me.  Is it frustrating to also learn that the woman who took the life of a man I knew for years is also a big supporter of the very people who are bought and paid for by the NRA?  Yes.  But will it change anything if I smear her on this teensy blog of mine?  No.

So, as I sit here right now, I think about the friends and family that I've lost.  I think about James and note that the baby he never met would be about 25 years old now.  I think about Courtney and about how her family could have lived without the trauma and sadness of watching their mother die.  I think about Jon and his infectious smile and how proud he would be of the grandbabies he never knew.  But I shouldn't bother.  They're gone, lives cut short because of the presence of a gun.

"A woman is like a tea bag - you can't tell how strong she is until you put her in hot water."

Eleanor Roosevelt

[what's cookin'] Risotto Milanese or Food and Gaming

I currently am running a group of players through the Call of Cthulhu campaign, Horror on the Orient Express.  It's part of our usual Monday Night gaming group, so we only get together about once a month to play my game.  As such, I do sometimes look for ways to make the night memorable outside of just what happens in the game, itself.

One such way is to look at ways to incorporate snacks and drinks into the setting.  Since the Investigators are traveling across 1920s Europe, I've done things like bring tea and sandwiches, themed cocktails, and the like.

The party just entered Milan during the last session and while I had hoped to have had some sort of Milanese snack or similar to offer, I found myself too busy to put something together.  But the idea had not left my head even after the game session.

While digging around for typical Milanese delights, I found this recipe for risotto.  As I actually had all of the ingredients, or their vegan-friendly substitutions, on hand, I decided that I wanted to give it a try.  And oh! am I glad that I did.  It's delicious!

Vegan Risotto Milanese

Ingredients:

Olive or any mostly neutral-tasting oil

1 large onion, cut into 1/4-inch dice

salt

2 cups short-grain rice

2 large pinches saffron (I like the Trader Joe's brand)

4 cups of Better Than Bouillon No-Chicken broth

1/2 to 1 cup dry vermouth or a dry white wine

2 tablespoons Earth Balance

1/2 to 3/4 cup grated Violife Parm

Instructions:

In an Instant Pot, press the SAUTE button and allow it to come to heat.  Add a good drizzle of olive oil and once shimmering, add the diced onion to the pot.  Sweat the onions thoroughly, add a pinch or two of salt if needed.  

While the onions sweat, add the saffron to the broth and allow it to steep a bit.

Add the rice and stir to coat with the oil, adding more oil if needed.  Allow some of the rice to brown a bit, so do not go too vigorous on the stirring.  After about four minutes, deglaze the pan with the vermouth or white wine.  I do not usually measure out the wine exactly.  Rather, I pour enough into the pan to deglaze the browned bit from the bottom of the pot.

Next, add the broth and the saffron to the pot.  Close the lid and set the iPot to MANUAL for five minutes.  Be sure that the release valve is locked!

After the five minutes are up, turn off the Instant Pot and open the steam release.  You can do this in bursts if you prefer.  Once the steam is released and the pot is no longer locked, carefully open the pot.  Add the Earth Balance and Violife to the hot risotto and give it all a good stir.  Add salt to taste.

Optional: I do love to add a little green to my risotto dishes and while that would not be exactly traditional, the fact that this is already a veganized version means that we've pretty much thrown tradition right out on its ass.  So, throw in a half cup or so of frozen peas right after opening, if you want.  Fresh parsley could also be a tasty addition.

A ridiculously personal ramble

I did something tonight that I haven't done in a long time: I cried in my car. A few big sobs, some careful dabbing of wet eyes with a paper napkin, and some sniffles that stayed with me until I drove back home. 

---

Last night, really early this morning, my son woke up vomiting. Poor guy, he kept complaining of a hurt tummy, and had a few more bouts of vomiting before daybreak. I didn't get much sleep after that and spent most of the day cuddling and soothing the sick little boy. 

As soon as my husband returned home, I jumped into the car to make my Weight Watchers meeting. It was there that the incident happened that lead me to rush to my car to find a safe place and to cry. 

No, it wasn't a matter of bad news on the scale. Rather, it was after I spoke up in the meeting that I noticed a regular attendee talking to another woman about me. While I could not catch everything that was said, what I did discern wasn't exactly positive. When I made eye-contact with the listener, she quickly averted her eyes from mine and began to blush. So I'm left doubting that they were speaking complimentary about me.

I felt immediate embarrassment, followed quickly by emotional pain. I was a target, and I didn't like being singled out for snide commentary. 

With the pain welling up inside me, the only thing I could think to do was to try and make eye-contact again, but this time to let them know that their gossip hurt. Not that made it any obvious difference. 

The moment the meeting ended, I shot up and made for the door. Before I could even get to my car, a few tears had already fallen. Could my sleep deprivation have contributed?  Could I have just been a touch too sensitive?

Here's the thing: I am embarrassed that I rushed to my car to cry. I'm a grown damn woman. But I also realized that after years of being a target, and after thinking that part of my life was done--I can safely say I'm still sick of it. Lack of sleep or no, being singled out for even minor ridicule sucks. 

It left me wondering, could it be that I've been using my weight to hide?  Have I been so desperate to be ignored, for fear of such awful criticism, that I've kept myself fat?  Let's face it, it's easier to be ignored when no one really wants to look at you...

A fews hours have passed now and I'm able to reflect on the incident with a lot less sting. I'm still embarrassed. Boy, howdy!  But I'm also wondering if it is even worth mentioning, if I should even share these thoughts.  Or if I should just suck it up, try and grow a thicker skin, and move on. I really couldn't care any less what those women think. It's never crossed my mind before. It's the being targeted aspect that gets so deeply under my skin. 

And now I'm repeating myself, so it's probably best that I close. 

[peaceful parenting] Adventures in Potty Training

I asked Declan if his diaper was okay. He shook his head. 

I asked him if I could remove it. He launched himself into this position and mumbled, "I don't want to take off my diaper."

[peaceful parenting] Bomem

I have long been fascinated by language. Now that Declan is becoming quite the chatterbox, I am often tickled by his mispronunciations and his currently understanding of words. 

I know that I have already forgotten some of his "cute-isms" so I am jotting down what can come to mind now for future enjoyment:

--Bomem: n. Bottom

--Emek: v. To open (no longer in current use)

--Perperp: n. Toilet paper

--P Balls: n. Paintballs

[in stitches] Hand sewing, finishing touches